A few months ago, I had the chance to grade AP English Language examinations in Louisville, KY. The process and experience (and the fantastic Louisville itself) are worthy of separate posts, but I wanted to post some of the interesting writing constructs I encountered while grading. Before I do this, I want to make it clear that this is again not an attempt to poke fun. I find most of these as casual mistakes/omissions/oversights that aren’t out of my range currently, and definitely were things I might have produced as a high school writer. If anything, these stand as artifacts of the playfulness of language, and to take it even further, none of these errors alone warranted a reduction in grade or anything of the sort.
The prompt that students were responding to was the following: “In his 2004 book, Status Anxiety, Alain de Botton argues that the chief aim of humorists is not merely to entertain but ‘to convey with impunity messages that might be dangerous or impossible to state directly.’ Because society allows humorists to say things that other people cannot or will not say, de Botton sees humorists as serving a vital function in society. Think about the implications of de Botton’s view of the role of humorists (cartoonists, stand-up comics, satirical writers, hosts of television programs, etc.). Then write an essay that defends, challenges, or qualifies de Botton’s claim about the vital role of humorists. Use specific, appropriate evidence to develop your position.”
In response to this prompt, some actual exam excerpts [with my comments in brackets, and italics on some for emphasis]:
*Jeff Dunham uses a tranquilistist puppet. [With one of those, I could throw my voice…calmly]
*Kings and Queens of Mid-Evil times acquired gestures to enlighten them. [Is this sort of like a Jester skilled in the Mime arts?]
*A famous comedian that EVERYONE knows is Charlie Chapman. [And his musician sister Tracy]
*An example of humorist is William Forstchen’s “As I Lay Dying”. [If it is anything like Faulkner’s, it is hilarious]
*Jeff Dunham has a gang of puppets very different from your traditional antoinettes. [Puppetry really seemed to trip students up]
*Since the WTC Attack on Sep. 9th, 2001…[A date that will live in mediocrity]
*I don’t want to feed around the bush…[I’d like to see this, though]
*Pardon my french, but R U SERIOUS, Alain? [No comment. This one made me so happy, not sure why]
* It is completely unacceptable to reference fat people in non-humorous terms in our society. [“What I just wrote there? Acceptable, because it’s funny”]
*President Reagan resigned because of the Watergate scandal. [The repercussions are STILL being felt]
*A Modest Proposal was able to convey to the public in a consumable way [Swift’s] idea of solving the food crisis. [I hope this was a deliberate attempt at a quality pun. Either way, it works for me]
*Larry King’s image skyrocketed downward. [Reminded me of dialog from Rize “There IS no limit! The SKY is the limit!”]
*Sometimes, humorists get the icy cold stare of a person because they have touched upon a subject that was voodoo. [Perhaps voodoo is also a taboo subject to some]
*During the 2008 election, SNL poked fun at Sarah Palin, often highlighting the human qualities she possessed. [She sometimes does seem like a human]
*Bugs Bunny and other characters took on the fascade of Hitler and Mouseolini to inform the public. [I know what they were referencing, but what they meant???]
*Humorists may be entertaining in many different ways, but behind clothes doors, they are polluting the world. [They are befouling the earth from dressing rooms?]
*How many damn times are we going to watch a man getting nailed in the crotch on America’s Funniest Home Videos before it gets old? Maybe if the writers had at least one unique bone in their body, the slop they produce could be entertaining. [I just included this one because it was written by the most bitter high school student on earth. He (unwittingly) had me crying, struggling not to burst out in raucous laughter, disrupting the busy grading going on about me. Just so snarky, upset, and fresh out of excuses]
*The declaration of independence is a humoris document that was translated from original english to english that is spoken in today’s society (informal english). [I again hope that this student is a radical and that this is some sly attempt to decry what they see as the false equality stated in the Declaration, but the rest of the essay gave me doubts]
*From Brian Regan to Brad Stine, and Jeff Foxworthy to Larry the Cable Guy, these are our soldiers for truth. [And we know how the original crusades ended…]
*Yes, it is funny to see overweight people slip and fall on YouTube, but the overall moral behind the story is that he or she was hurt. [Yeah everyone. Come on.]
*Humor is a lubricant. It makes things easier to take. [ahem]
*Robert Colbert of the Colbert Report…[a classic humorist]
*It is a proven fact that laughter causes a release of stress in one’s mind. [I love this one because it either indicates that the mind will feel added effects of stress as a result of laughter, AND/OR that this release of stress is illusory or “all in the mind.” Beautiful ?Unintended? consequence]
*Now it is extremely sad what happened to the millions of Jews, but Hitler criticizing them was vital. [What would be the proper emoticon for an aghast/confused face?]
*The Ellen Degenerate show is a popular humorist program. [Again, I hope satire…but…doubtful]
*When Obama went to Birmingham palace in London…[…was about the time that Reverend King wrote a letter from Buckingham Jail…]
*Some humorists just promote idioticness
*One of the most famous attempts at shock laughter was the time Kramer from Seinfeld used the “N” word during his act—he neglected to use it correctly. [He failed to consult his ‘Use of the N Word Protocol’ in the Chicago Manual of Style]
6 comments:
These are way funnier than what you get in the literature section. Nobody's cracking jokes about Toni Morrison in there. Though it sounds like some of your essayists could have pulled it off.
Buckingham Jail.
These are hilarious. When I was student teaching, I discussed The Canterbury Tales with my seniors. After the tales, the students wrote their own very short tales. One was so inappropriate that we held onto it for conferences and one was so masterful that we gave it to the student's football coach to be read at their awards dinner. There was time travel, unicorn riding, ninja turtles and battles won instantly by knights kicking bad guys in the penis. The student received a failing grade for his paper despite his hard work but there may have been tears of laughter as Mike and Allen read it aloud to each other in my mom's basement.
Thanks for the laugh and the flashback.
Oh, Jonseph...I need more of these...I haven't laughed to tears like that i quite a while.
Bees
@Gill--I think the prompt inspired some shenanigans, sure. The ones I really appreciated were essays trying to consciously embody the role of humorist. Sort of a risk, but sometimes it paid off.
@Mama--It is a precious few who will not only get to contact things like this, but fewer still who will appreciate it when they see it. Seeing Allen laugh to tears is something I want to go for while I live in the Burg...incidentally, are you related to Lee (Mike's brother, perhaps)?
@Beeeens--thank you good sir. We need to talk soon. I'll start our missed phone call chain back up very soon.
If you make Allen cry for any reason, consider it an accomplishment. Lee is Mike's brother. I heard that he is taking your class. If he gave Mike an opinion on that class, it wasn't passed along to me.
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