as i regrow the obligatory winter stache, i am reminded that moustaches are like snowflakes--no two are exactly alike. the other glorious fact about the uniqueness of a moustache is that no two moustaches have the same smell."smell?" you might say.
"smell," i respond.
of the 5 moustaches i have grown in my life, each has had its own distinct scent, its subtle waft, a threshold essence, if you must. like the discernment of hops or grapes or fermentation by libations experts, detecting the smell stamp of your moustache is a high art.
some of my moustache smell detections:
-The softly musty Houndstooth jacket (with leather professor elbow patches) that somehow wandered into your hall closet--and will remain there forever.
-The frayed strands of an aged jute rope, most likely used to tow something that smelled slightly of freshly cut wood.
-A brown paper lunch bag factory (i'd imagine)
-A bark plant on fire
And the smell of this winter's moustache (so far my least favorite of all, and a scent that has me "perfuming" my moustache daily):
-Goretex gloves, put away wet in the spring, pulled back out for a snowball fight (very earthy with a hint of wool)
20 comments:
You might try showering.
Yeah for real. For a disgusting post, this was really beautiful. Now I want you to write about all the things you find in your moustache when the day is through.
If I were a man, I would grow a beard so great, a bird could live in it. Then I would buy a bluebird, lovebird, and/or canary and train it/them to nest there. I think that 'stache would smell like seeds. Or the Tracy Aviary (grassy fresh springtime with lake effect and an aftertaste of bird poop).
Sidenote: what are you perfuming your beard with? You aren't just rubbing Old Spice deodorant on there are you?
okay, smartarses. you'll never understand...well, Gillz might, she grows a mean moustache. (yuk yuk)
All of this moustache-speak is founded upon my trademark® cleanliness...even after daily bathing, compulsive face washing (i wash my face and hands after eating anything), fastidious stache grooming (with a mini comb) every morning and night, there still remains a subtle moustache overtone. I have asked ash about any scent, and she can't detect it, but she's a moustache tyro..
no old spice for this masterwirk--i perfume my stache with something a little more high rolling, like Doctor Bonner's Peppermint soap or something from the Bath and Bodyworks line. I care for my upper lip.
Detractors....infidels....blasphemers, you two.
Also, Gillz, as we have discussed, Bob Ross's pet squirrel often lived in his beard and hair. I have said it before and it bears repeating: i want a hair squirrel. MY take on your hypothetical goal would be a moustache mongoose...
My only question is in response to your comment: You wash your hands and face after eating anything? Really? Someone offers you a Sunchip and you eat it as you walk to the bathroom for this ritual?
Thats...I don't know...weird.
I am behind you on this one.
I too have 'stache smell.
Mine is very Earthy. It makes me think of Rollin' and Tumblin' by Cream. Like an old pickup truck and sacks of potatoes.
You know Po-ta-toes.
All I know about beards I learned from Z.
Teeheehee!! I am laughing voraciously out loud for the following:
mini comb
Bath 'n Body Works
Sunchip
beard/afro mongoose/squirrels
Hahahahaaaaaaaa....this conversation is making my day just a little more palatable. Nay, bright, even.
val....let's no go crazy on the literal tip. however, a sunchip might warrant a washin'. they have a distinct powdery greez to them. it is a compulsive sort of thing. i don't like food residue on my hands, really though.
gman- wyrd, amigo. i finally get some backing on this. and i love your description..i think the comparison to classic rock is more than fitting, because the only thing cooler than a quality moustache is Foghat.
gilz--this is no laughing matter. only the finest for a beard or moustache...they must be daily preened and scented, and sun-fluffed when possible. once darren and brad show up to this thread i think i might gather a few 'indeeds'. and where is Clamato in all this? another beard veteran.
Hahahaha, no, don't chastise me for laughing! That just makes it harder to hold in! Sorry, sorry, let me compose myself.
Yes, sun-fluffing. Yes. Ah. No, not funny at all. Indeed. It makes the beard better accustomed to the thoughtful stroke, the thinking-induced under-the-chin scratch.
Question: do beards get wet and stay wet, much like dog fur? I mean, if you walk outside and it's pouring rain, do you think, "Crap. Now I have to hold a towel to my chin until this thing dries"?
Indeed, uh, indeed.
I love the smell of my stache after I've been cooking and tasting and then eating and now I'm on the couch with the Al-Bundy-Hand-in-Trousers relaxation pose and I can smell all of the days food preperation/consumption smells and it's like an after dinner mint. It's wafer thin, sir.
My stache smells seem to be seasonal. Lighter in summer, duskier in fall, cripser in winter and musty and in need of a spring cleaning in, you guessed it, spring.
how does ash feel about sleeping with gerald?
Yes, after my smarty remark I had intended to follow up with an agreement, but then I got distracted with finals or some such nonsense.
I actually agree. There is a natural smell to the facial hair. Probably having to do with oils in the follicles or some such thing. Why is it different from one stache to the next? I don't know, maybe the content of the diet. But that makes little sense because I get far too little fiber in my sugary diet, and facial hair always seems to have that woody, earthy smell.
On a side note, I think whiskers have the ability to soak in odors, which is why I haven't had a beard since last fall's cadaver lab.
BB
captain--the seasonal nuances
there, you are right. and i am glad that you came out of the blogwork to give some legitimacy to this post. the complexities of the moustache are many, and it will take a lot of thinking to unravel them.
rachel--boo. boo to that. boo-mega. boo-uber.
beeser--i was hoping you'd come back with your Robin Williams-ness and go to the ropes for the stache--seeing that you have been able to grow a quality lip-badger since the age of 9. your empirical perspective on this is always appreciated..what causes the variation? I'm also hesitant to overthink this, right? I mean, I'm sure you'll agree that when moustaches are the topic of discussion, there is something ineffable and unnameable...something that transcends western thinking.
sometimes we just have to yield to the stache...
and rae--boo, still.
ah the stache stench. you are not alone. mine has always been constant: tire rubber.
nothing as cool as classic rock or as eloquent as your descriptions. Even though a good scrub lessens the smell, it is ever there, and will return.
However, this is a paltry price for unadulterated awesomeness.
that's funny because i still laugh every time i think about it.
my initial response as i read your post was similar to brian's..."same dude, different scent each time. weird. i wonder if there is a significant variation to his diet from year to year." but by the end of the post all i could do was pity ash and fight visions of bro g the elder from my mind's eye.
fascinating topic, though, really. the senses are just fascinating. i spoke to one of my high school friends last week for the first time in 15 years. the moment i heard her voice, my nose (or was it my phantom nose) was flooded with her scent. i never could have even told you she had a scent, but somehow hearing her voice triggered some strange olfactoriness meself.
smell on.
I'm quite sure I hit double digits before I was moustache able....11 or 12 at least!!
Stop calling me robin williams just because we can both braid the arm hair.
Yeah, you aren't Robin Williams until you can braid your back hair, too.
I know I'm late to this post, but I have a question. Why is this stache obligatory?
tire rubber. classic. something to the hue then, i guess. the binding theme about moustache smells, I'd imagine, is that they all have a hint of what sepia tone probably smells like.
rae--boo. un-funny. and I can't help but smell on...
c'mon brian, let's not be modest here. you were bearded when i was still watching ninja turtles.
gillz--i think the response to your comment should come from brian, not me.
margaret--again, this is one of those questions that borders on the ineffable...perhaps ours is not to question why, but to grow (a stache) and die (eventually). if austin hasn't been growing a moustache once a winter, then he is fighting science (and i know how he respects science...) and oh yeah--congratulations, cousin. sincerely.
Wow, Joe. 20+ comments. Upon only reading the title of your entry I found myself immediately lifting my upper lip to take a whiff. Smells like chapstick.
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